The last ride together

Of all the trips to the veterinarian, I knew right away that this one was going to be different. Difficult.

I wasn't sure of what to expect, or what course of action I would take , all I knew was that a pivotal decision was going to be made. 

The ride to the veterinarian was a special one. This was the first time I held our bunny through the entire car ride, I usually held her for a few minutes and then passed her on to my sister, who was better at handling her.

During the 30 minute ride, I couldn't help but feel an overpowering sensation of nostalgia. It was as if I knew the end was near, it was my mind preparing me for the burden that lay ahead. Every passing car brought a new memory, I held our bunny tight. I was her refuge and her fortress. She was scared, I could sense it and so was I.

When we arrived at the clinic, she became increasingly anxious and nervous, more so then previous visits. I can't say that it surprised me, as this behaviour had become a gradual trend.

During the consultation with the veterinarian, it became apparent that a long term viable health solution was not going to be possible. It was at this point that I made the painful decision to let her go, this was the MOST difficult decision that I have ever made in my life but it was the absolute least I could do. She had blessed our lives with joy, laughter, pain and everything in between. She deserved to go out with dignity, and she did.

The decision was made.

The doctor entered the room and injected her with a sedative. I picked her frightened body and cradled her in my arms. Her breathing became slow and her heart rate deep. I soothed her head and her paws, I battled to keep my composure but I couldn't. My hands were moist from the tears, but at that point, it didn't matter any more.  In her final seconds, her eyes began to give out, I fixed my gaze on her and released her to the angel of sleep. 


I kissed her head and gently surrendered her body to the doctor. 
My little girl was at peace, she was not in pain, she was not nervous or scared, she was at peace.


The rest of the day is still a blur to me. The pain is still too near, I know that in time, my heart will mend.